Friday, September 26, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
What (Not) to Post
So having gone through over 1,000 fish in the e-harmony sea, I have seen my fair share of good and bad catches (unfortunately mostly bad, but hey, I only need to find one good match and the rest make for good stories, right?)
What one writes in a profile is one thing (I will write more about that later when I highlight the suitor of the month) but a picture is worth 1,000 words isn't it? So wouldn't you think there would be some care when choosing one? So the following is my advice to the men out there.
5 Things not to post for your profile picture:
5. Wearing sunglasses or a hat in all of the photos. OK seriously, don't you think I know you are trying to hide something? I am not judgemental, I just don't want to be deceived. Besides, only rockstars should wear sunglasses indoors, but never during an interview, that is shady.
4. A self portrait taken in the mirror. At least show a little effort and ask a friend to take your picture. (side note: I have even personally known someone to get dressed up at work so a coworker could take his picture for his profile. He tried to hide the fact that he was dressed differently than normal after 5 people said he looked nice and asked if he had a meeting to attend. But kudos to him for effort.)
3. A shirtless self portrait in front of the mirror. No matter how good looking you think you are any shirtless picture is just simply gross and tacky. Unless you truly love the beach, and the photo is taken at the beach, you should never ever post a shirtless photo of yourself.
2. A shirtless photo from your webcam. The previous photo was tacky, this type of photo is just plain old creepy. Creepy McCreepster creepy. The only thought that runs through a sane woman's head when seeing this type of photo is internet porn freak and possible pedophile. Run far, far away from this dude.
1. The number one worst profile picture is actually the inspiration for this post. I have never seen one like this before, ever. At first glance it appeared ok, I questioned the location, but he was fully clothed so it seemed alright but upon further investigation it got worse and worse and worse. Imagine this: a man wearing jeans, Rutgers long sleeve shirt, and shoes lying on his side, one hand on his upper thigh, the other hand holding the remote control and leaning on his elbow on a bed. The pose was not George Costanzaesque at all, he was just casually lying on the bed watching tv before someone said "smile for the camera." Now looking at the details, the bed is unmade, clearly in a hotel (quintessential twin reading lamps on each side of the bed, headboard fastened to the wall, and typical carpeting), and there is a pink satin thing at the end of the bed. The only thing that wasn't visible was a wedge pillow. Now seriously, I am not expecting or even wanting a man with zero experience, but I don't think a photo showing evidence of a sexcapade should A) be made public or B) be used on what is supposed to be the #1 trusted relationship site.
Eek!
What one writes in a profile is one thing (I will write more about that later when I highlight the suitor of the month) but a picture is worth 1,000 words isn't it? So wouldn't you think there would be some care when choosing one? So the following is my advice to the men out there.
5 Things not to post for your profile picture:
5. Wearing sunglasses or a hat in all of the photos. OK seriously, don't you think I know you are trying to hide something? I am not judgemental, I just don't want to be deceived. Besides, only rockstars should wear sunglasses indoors, but never during an interview, that is shady.
4. A self portrait taken in the mirror. At least show a little effort and ask a friend to take your picture. (side note: I have even personally known someone to get dressed up at work so a coworker could take his picture for his profile. He tried to hide the fact that he was dressed differently than normal after 5 people said he looked nice and asked if he had a meeting to attend. But kudos to him for effort.)
3. A shirtless self portrait in front of the mirror. No matter how good looking you think you are any shirtless picture is just simply gross and tacky. Unless you truly love the beach, and the photo is taken at the beach, you should never ever post a shirtless photo of yourself.
2. A shirtless photo from your webcam. The previous photo was tacky, this type of photo is just plain old creepy. Creepy McCreepster creepy. The only thought that runs through a sane woman's head when seeing this type of photo is internet porn freak and possible pedophile. Run far, far away from this dude.
1. The number one worst profile picture is actually the inspiration for this post. I have never seen one like this before, ever. At first glance it appeared ok, I questioned the location, but he was fully clothed so it seemed alright but upon further investigation it got worse and worse and worse. Imagine this: a man wearing jeans, Rutgers long sleeve shirt, and shoes lying on his side, one hand on his upper thigh, the other hand holding the remote control and leaning on his elbow on a bed. The pose was not George Costanzaesque at all, he was just casually lying on the bed watching tv before someone said "smile for the camera." Now looking at the details, the bed is unmade, clearly in a hotel (quintessential twin reading lamps on each side of the bed, headboard fastened to the wall, and typical carpeting), and there is a pink satin thing at the end of the bed. The only thing that wasn't visible was a wedge pillow. Now seriously, I am not expecting or even wanting a man with zero experience, but I don't think a photo showing evidence of a sexcapade should A) be made public or B) be used on what is supposed to be the #1 trusted relationship site.
Eek!
Friday, September 19, 2008
Grow Old with You
Today is my parent's anniversary. They have been married 38 years. They are my inspiration and I love them immensely.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Dan in Real Life
There is this guy, that I have had a crush on for some time now. Now we aren't talking teenage Kirk Cameron postered-wall crush, we are talking grown-ass woman, heart skips a beat when I hear his name crush. I also get into totally unhealthy daydreaming of what it will be like for our first kiss (oh who am I kidding, its the kiss and a whole lot more.)
So there are two schools of thought. Either one; tell him, or two; keep the fantasies to myself and basically get over it. Well I am not ready for either. I don't have the guts to tell him yet and I am not quite ready to let go of the belief that he is my Kermit and I am his Miss Piggy. (Yes I am a Muppet fanatic)
So for now, instead of obsessing on how to tell him, I am going to spend a little me time. Figure out what I really would like in my life: career-wise, relationship-wise, and self-wise and then go out and get it.
So there are two schools of thought. Either one; tell him, or two; keep the fantasies to myself and basically get over it. Well I am not ready for either. I don't have the guts to tell him yet and I am not quite ready to let go of the belief that he is my Kermit and I am his Miss Piggy. (Yes I am a Muppet fanatic)
So for now, instead of obsessing on how to tell him, I am going to spend a little me time. Figure out what I really would like in my life: career-wise, relationship-wise, and self-wise and then go out and get it.
Monday, September 1, 2008
More than 1,000 fish in the sea
Since I have been single I have joined different websites to find "the one." I never liked match.com, I thought it was more of a hook up site, so I thought I would give e-harmony a try.
The process of e-harm (that is a funny abbreviation) goes a little something like this: Girl fills out a really long survey, answering questions rating how moral, creative, and shy she is, how friends would describe her, what she is looking for in a partner, and other 'personality' questions to help find the perfect match. Boy fills out same lengthy questionnaire. A profile is created using some of those answers and then matches are created using an algorithm that is highly classified. When a match is created both male and female gets to see one another's profile and can then choose to start communication. There are 4 parts. Step one, cut a hole in the box (oh sorry I always think of that SNL skit and laugh when I hear step 1. ) Seriously step 1 involves sending and answering multiple choice questions, step 2 is sending and receiving a list of pre-selected must haves and can't stand items for a partner, step 3 is the long answer essay type if you will, portion of the test, and the fourth step is open communication where messages can be exchanged through the site without having to give out an email address.
So I first joined e-harm about 3 years ago. I was active on the site for 3-4 months, went on several dates and became jaded at the process because it took so long to actually have a conversation and then by the time you met you felt like you knew the person and then the actual date turned out to be a let down (for both parties at times.) I deactivated my account and reactivated it a year and a half later except this time I dragged the process out by not responding promptly and it took months (literally) to get past all of the 4 steps. (read really didn't want to meet anyone but felt I needed to convince myself that I was trying) So I deactivated again and now fast-forward to present time, I am throwing my old mentality and BS out the window and starting with a clean slate.
The one part that I haven't mentioned is that if you are not interested in a match or vice versa at any point during the 4 steps of communication one can choose to 'close' the match. Closing the match is like deleting someone's phone number from your cell phone. There is no longer any way to communicate with this person ever again. The one odd thing about e-harmony that I have come to find a little harmful is that it keeps a history of the whole time you have been with them. Meaning, since I have essentially been on e-harmony for over three years, I can search through all of my closed matches. And how many closed matches would you think I have? 100? 250? No, not even close. I have 1,165 closed matches. Now mind you, this doesn't mean I have gone on a date or even communicated with this many men because in e-harm one can close a match as soon as it is received without any communication if they aren't interested (or one of many other reasons). But I did get a little sad when I saw that number and thought I need to pay more attention to all of those fish out there (in cyber world and especially in real world too).
The process of e-harm (that is a funny abbreviation) goes a little something like this: Girl fills out a really long survey, answering questions rating how moral, creative, and shy she is, how friends would describe her, what she is looking for in a partner, and other 'personality' questions to help find the perfect match. Boy fills out same lengthy questionnaire. A profile is created using some of those answers and then matches are created using an algorithm that is highly classified. When a match is created both male and female gets to see one another's profile and can then choose to start communication. There are 4 parts. Step one, cut a hole in the box (oh sorry I always think of that SNL skit and laugh when I hear step 1. ) Seriously step 1 involves sending and answering multiple choice questions, step 2 is sending and receiving a list of pre-selected must haves and can't stand items for a partner, step 3 is the long answer essay type if you will, portion of the test, and the fourth step is open communication where messages can be exchanged through the site without having to give out an email address.
So I first joined e-harm about 3 years ago. I was active on the site for 3-4 months, went on several dates and became jaded at the process because it took so long to actually have a conversation and then by the time you met you felt like you knew the person and then the actual date turned out to be a let down (for both parties at times.) I deactivated my account and reactivated it a year and a half later except this time I dragged the process out by not responding promptly and it took months (literally) to get past all of the 4 steps. (read really didn't want to meet anyone but felt I needed to convince myself that I was trying) So I deactivated again and now fast-forward to present time, I am throwing my old mentality and BS out the window and starting with a clean slate.
The one part that I haven't mentioned is that if you are not interested in a match or vice versa at any point during the 4 steps of communication one can choose to 'close' the match. Closing the match is like deleting someone's phone number from your cell phone. There is no longer any way to communicate with this person ever again. The one odd thing about e-harmony that I have come to find a little harmful is that it keeps a history of the whole time you have been with them. Meaning, since I have essentially been on e-harmony for over three years, I can search through all of my closed matches. And how many closed matches would you think I have? 100? 250? No, not even close. I have 1,165 closed matches. Now mind you, this doesn't mean I have gone on a date or even communicated with this many men because in e-harm one can close a match as soon as it is received without any communication if they aren't interested (or one of many other reasons). But I did get a little sad when I saw that number and thought I need to pay more attention to all of those fish out there (in cyber world and especially in real world too).
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Wish Me Luck
When I was younger, I always thought I would be married and starting a family by the time I was thirty. Things don’t always work out like you thought they would and here I am almost thirty-two and more single than ever. I have been single for over 4 years now. And when I say single, I mean I could be a nun. Not kidding, it’s really quite sad. Kissing is probably the pastime that I miss the most. I hadn’t even realized it had been that long, I was just busy I guess. And although I said I wanted to find someone, I hadn’t really been trying. You will find it when you least expect it, right? That’s what they say, but not really what was happening. So here I go, giving it the good ole college try. Wish me luck, I’ll let you know how it goes.
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